The End of Effort

"You need power only when you want to do something harmful otherwise love is enough to get everything done" - Charlie Chaplin

In this world, we have been taught that we are the cause of all our success or failure. That if we want something, then we have to make it happen. "If it is meant to be, it is up to me." That hard work is the root cause of all success and achievement. Well I call bullshit.

I have watched too many people work hard their entire lives and have almost nothing to show for it but physical ailments. I have seen my intense efforts at building something for myself get washed away like a sandcastle at high tide.

I have seen myself and compatriots pushing ourselves to exhaustion, putting in long hours with no sleep, and expending every ounce of energy to reach the desired goal, just to almost get there, right to the precipice and watch the target move. Or other times, when I did finally lay my hands on the goal itself or ceremoniously realized the desired outcome, I did not feel the sense of achievement it seemed I was "supposed" to have.

Then I would create a new goal and be confident that this victory would have that all-encompassing sense of accomplishment I want. I would say to myself, "After this one I will finally be done, and I can rest."

I have seen so many with this achiever mindset read over their goals every morning like clockwork. Laminate them and carry them around in their pocket, looking at them several times a day. Spend time visualizing their day of victory. Attempting to use the law of attraction to feel what it would be like when that thing is in their life. Saying mantras to themselves constantly like, "failure will never overtake me if my desire to succeed is strong enough."

I know because I was one of them. I was a disciple in the church of achievement. And I have watched my life plan drawn on a chalkboard be wiped away and drawn again, over and over until the day came where I did not pick up the chalk anymore.

Your mind might say at this point, "Of course we need to have goals because we would be aimless without them. Like the old parable, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail." To which I would reply, "fail at what… life? Is that what all this effort is all about, so you won't feel like a failure? Even if everything you are doing is just busy work and running on a hamster wheel? Encountering the same lessons over and over again only with different places and people?"

What if all this struggle, strain, and hard work were intended to show you that it's not the way anymore? What if all these failed plans were to show you to stop planning?

 

We plan, God laughs -Yiddish Proverb

 

Workaholic

Since I first became my own boss a decade ago, I have become a workaholic. Until recently, I would have no boundaries on my work; it would dictate my schedule and my life. If there was work to be done, which there always is, I would do it until my body gave out or my mind started to slip. I would sacrifice relationships, social gatherings, fun, and holidays for work. I did this because hard work was instilled in me, and because of what I thought it could do for me. Because I believed this was the way to manifest all of my life's desires. Now I see the truth.

The truth, for me at least, is that one of the main reasons I was working so much was to cover up the fear—the fear of failure. And the fear of being a failure. Just like all addictions, work had been suppressing an unprocessed emotion in me, my greatest fear, which is not being good enough. It is that I will disappoint my parents and grandparents. And if I disappoint them, I will receive wrath from my father, and the others will withdraw their love from me. They will be disappointed.

Because when I was a child and would do badly in school or did something morally or ethically wrong, that is what happened, or rather what I perceived happened.

This is what all my addictions have been covering up. A child who was judged negatively by his family and never wanted to feel that pain or disapproval again. Who never wanted them to withdraw their love from him. That pain hurt so much that it became the child's greatest fear, and he saw everyone he interacted with as that judging family he didn't want to be denounced by. Even God, who saw and judged everything.

That fear drove me to be an A+ student, get the gold star, alienate other kids and be the teacher's pet so that the teacher could tell my family how "good" I was doing. It drove me to want to be the best at every career I have chosen. You might think that is a great thing to aspire to be and a great mindset to have, and I would agree, except not when you choose to be the best because of fear.

Because anytime I was not the winner, not the top dog, I was mortified. I would punish myself and carry around the vibration of unworthiness inside me. My mantra was, "I don't deserve love, I have to do better. Second place is the first loser." Striving for the next goal in life was all-consuming so I could take my achievement home and show my family. Then they would give me the love I wanted. Even though now they are all dead, so this habit of achievement for love is for no one… but myself.

I joined the church of the achievers to be around others to validate my goal-setting ways. It is why I have worked so hard, even at jobs I hated. It is the reason I have put so much effort, struggle, muscle, and force into making money and being a "success." I have even worked hard on myself, which is hilarious because having enlightenment be a goal is the ultimate hamster wheel. It is not linear and cannot be achieved. And watching my Ego work hard to eliminate itself is true lunacy.

Ultimately, I have felt unworthy my entire life, but if my work were to achieve praise, then I will finally feel that worthiness I covet. But now I see the truth, that efforting for worthiness is like working hard to be myself. Something that should be as effortless as blinking.

 

There are no prerequisites for worthiness – Brené Brown

 

 

Power vs. Force 

Next, we come to the cliff. Where most minds, egos, and achievers have trouble grasping. They think, "If I'm not working hard at achieving a goal, then what do I do? Who am I if I'm not seeking to become more than I am?" It is such a practiced habit you can't even think beyond it. 

The problem is not having a direction to go in. The problem is thinking that you are not perfect right now and that this "Golden Goodie" will somehow make your life complete. The subconscious belief behind every goal is that you are not enough right now. That your life is not good enough until something outside of you changes.

This is what needs to shift. We need to let go of the "need" for the goal and come back to the gratitude of what we have now. To remember that where you are now was once a goal of your past self and to rejoice in how far you have come. To see that who you are now is exactly who you need to be.

We also want to become aware of who is the one setting the goals and for what reason. If the goal is designed to make you happy, then you should ask yourself what is stopping you from feeling happy right now. If the achievement is designed to defend you against a fear like mine was, then it is time to let that scared little child come into the light of love. They need you to listen to them.  

It is also time to ask yourself what happens if you don't achieve the objective you have set out to accomplish. Are you a failure? Will you be unloved? Will your life no longer have purpose? Is the journey over? 

The Universe is constantly evolving, and since we are a part of the Universe, we also continue to evolve. Therefore setting goals in an effort to evolve ourselves is like watching a flower "trying" to bloom. It doesn't need to try; it just does.  

We don't need to make a constant effort in our evolution; it will happen no matter what. We only have to become aware of when we are forcing evolution rather than flowing with it and learning from it. 

If we need to force something to happen, then it is not in alignment with our path. Force means we know better and that our will needs to be done. Force is like trying to rewrite God's plan and insert our own. The problem with that is we don't really know what is in store for us. There might be something better than even our imagination can fathom. Meaning that achieving "our" plan might get in the way of something far superior. When you haven't forced anything and are following the path, all the circumstances, people, and things fall into place beautifully. 

What if you replaced force with flow? Let go of effort and follow your inner guidance. Can you follow your highest excitement and let that give you all the energy required? You might only be able to see a few steps in front of you, but the soul can see the whole path. Trust your heart, create with love, and do what's in front of you. You are exactly where you need to be.

Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you are finished – Leslie Nielson